This is a story about me, Rick, and Josh. Yes a love triangle! (And maybe a love quadrangle.) I don't know what to think but I do know that I am sad and disappointed.

Rick and I have been dating for more than 2 years. Before dating Rick, I knew him not having a college degree would be an issue but that didn't stop me from going out with him and eventually falling him love with him. He makes me laugh and we have fun together. I can see my future with him even though some of my family members do not approve Rick because he didn't finish college. 

About two months ago, I met Josh. At first I didn't think much of it and then we started chatting everyday online. And through our chats, we covered more grounds than some couples in several months. Josh and I connected on such a deeper and intellectual level that I found it rare and fascinating. I found out that Josh had feelings for me (the first time he met me he knew something was there. It was not until the third time that we talked, he realized I had a boyfriend) and I told Rick about it. Rick told me to not lead Josh on.  However, I continued to chat with Josh because to me he was so intelligence and knowledgeable. He challenged me and taught me things. We could talk for hours that were how much we connected. Talking to Josh reconfirmed that I need stimulating conversations and Rick could not provide that because his knowledge is limited.

Deep down in my heart, I had no intention of leaving Rick. Nevertheless, I thought about what it would be like to date Josh. Ever since Josh came into my life, I thought less about Rick and sometimes I would wondered what Josh was doing when Rick and I were together. Eventually, I was so torn up inside and didn't want to talk to anybody because I didn't want to break it up with Rick nor lose what I had with Josh. Josh and I wrote emails back and forth, pouring our hearts out to each other. Basically, Josh confessed that he had never met anyone like me and that he loved me. I was careful with my words to Josh; I just told him I had feelings for him but there were many things that were standing in the ways such as what my family would think about me dating Josh (I would be dating outside of my race) and the facts that he was married before and has an adopted child from the marriage. Most importantly, I couldn’t just get up and leave Rick.  

Things were really intense and it was hard for everybody--me, Josh, and even Rick. Rick didn’t like it when I hung out with Josh (I would tell Rick about these things) and we would get into arguments. Josh on the other hand was devastated, knowing that even though I spent my time with him but it would be Rick who I would see at the end of the day. He said that it would eventually kill him---he could not give me his full capacity knowing that I could not provide him that in return. I couldn’t take it, seeing both Rick and Josh being so miserable and I was the cause of it. Eventually, Josh said that he was going to step back from all of these and would not pursue me any further. Honestly, I was glad for his decision because I didn’t want to confirm with him again that I was going to stay with Rick.

So Josh and I continued being friends and talking via chat. Lately, Josh has been hanging out with my friend, Chanel, who is just moved here not so long ago and is all by herself. I introduced the two and have invited them many times to do group activities.  

Last week, when Josh mentioned that he knew Chanel’s birthday and has been talking to her. I felt a jolt of jealousy. Josh brought up how he felt a weird vibe whenever he brought up the subject of Chanel. He sensed that I was mad and he didn’t like it. Then he and I had miscommunications for two days about the same subject. I took it as a personal attack against me, like I was some unreasonable green eyed monster. Honestly, I was jealous but I wasn’t going to admit that to him. Josh admitted that he liked hanging out with Chanel and if the chance comes up he wouldn’t mind dating her. However, he didn’t know how I would feel about it and would like to be considerate of my feelings. I was furious because I felt like he was saying for my sake he couldn’t do what he wanted to do. Am I being unreasonable? My best friend, Chloe, believed that Josh was trying to get a reaction out of me. In his defense, Josh claimed that he and I never dated so he couldn’t get back with me or make me jealous. Josh stated that why would he do it now when he was the one who suggested that he was going to take a step back from our love triangle. Do you think that he was trying to see if I was jealous about Chanel?    

I couldn’t believe that I’m so replaceable to Josh when he was telling me a few weeks ago that I was rare and special to him and that he didn’t want to lose me and wanted me to be a part of his life. Now less than 2 weeks later, he is hanging out with Chanel one-on-one. I know that they both are lonely people that is why I invited them to do stuff with me. Nonetheless, Chanel had a boyfriend. She broke up with him last week, stating the issue of a long distance relationship. Her boyfriend is in another country and she has to work here for several years. Perfect timing right?

I told Rick and Chloe about the situation between Josh and Chanel. Rick joked about how Josh claimed that I was the one and yet he is now going after someone else. Even though Josh and I are friends now, Rick doesn’t like for me to hang out with him because to Rick Josh is not a good guy for being jumping ship so quickly and hitting on girls with a boyfriend. Chloe voiced the same view. I was thinking maybe in order to move on and get over me Josh needs to find and spend his time with someone else and he happens to enjoy hanging out with my friend, Chanel. I know I have no right on being jealous because Josh doesn’t belong to me and he and I never dated so it would not be a problem if he and Chanel were to date. Nevertheless, I am hurt that Josh got over me so quick. I thought I meant so much more than that to him. In addition, I don't think Chanel knows about how josh felt about me.  

So what do you all think about this whole mess? Are Rick and Chloe right about Josh not being a good guy for hanging out with committed girls? Am I reasonable for being unreasonable? I am so confused.